thanks adrie.

love the Mac girls for always trying to help me be cool...

same stuff. different page. all one of you who read this will have to change the link.

ifitwillcallpeoplehome.tumblr.com

wherein I share some of my crazy.

This was a day for introverts. The Babe had to go back to work so I woke up on my own and in total silence. I reveled in the quiet for a few hours, my hands wrapped around a hot cup of tea and my bible and journal sprawled open before me.

I'm a pretty reflective person by nature. You would know if you journey life with me at all because we'll have a conversation and I'll come back three days later saying "Hey, I've been thinking about our talk the other day and I think... ". In functional and sensitive ways and sometimes dysfunctional and paranoid ways I often re-play conversations, interactions and random moments from the day.

But I also enjoy being reflective in a bigger picture way; I love Birthdays, New Years and other milestones that make us look back at the year or season before. I especially love the few quiet days after New Years when you're still on holidays but there's less events and family stuff, when I can have days like today.

I sat at the kitchen table, soaked in the silence and read over my journal from the last year. I read about great days and some crazy days. Mostly crazy days.

When I look at the year as a whole, I know that there's been more heaviness than light, more weariness than abounding energy, more sleepless nights than sleep-filled ones. And the bummer thing I'm finding about New Years, is, its not a guaranteed do-over. I dont get to re-start after holidays with a brand new slate. January 2011 doesnt promise a brand new day.

But this is the passage God spoke over me this morning; from Jeremiah 29, a passage for 2011...

This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and divines among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the LORD. This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.

It was not a promise to remove all hardship tomorrow, to make the next year brand new. But it is a good promise. A promise that he will come and fulfill His promises, it just might not look like I expected it. And in this quiet moment, that's ok.

soul space.

Let me be clear, on this blog you wont often hear me giving advice on how to rest, sabbath or really live a life of balance. Because I don't know how. Because I live with the combination that I enjoy doing life at a high pace and there's definitely a healthy part of my personality that just likes life to be busy, engaged and full but I also am bad at setting boundaries so I often cross the line of "busy" to just plain "ridiculous".

With all this in mind, I've been trying to carve out little bits of space for my soul to breath leading up to Christmas. Christmas is a busy season (SURPRISE!) but an especially busy one when, around here, we focus a lot on helping others experience the season to its depth and beauty. So I've been trying to find space. Space for my soul to breath; to inhale the beauty of my Saviour COMING HERE to save us, to exhale the just plain ridiculousness of the past year, to inhale that hope that lies in the beginning of Jesus' story, to exhale some deeply buried pain I've been hauling around...

So I went for a run the other day and didnt listen to music. And breathed deeply.

I made coffee this morning and instead of taking my cup around the house as I got ready for the day, I stood at the kitchen sink. And just breathed.

I was in Zellers last week and from around the corner I heard my favourite movie line from the year "It's so fuzzy I could die!" and sure enough, Despicable Me was playing on the 200 TVs in the electronic department so I stood and watched it for half an hour. And breathed. And laughed.

I played basketball yesterday with my favourite red-headed rascals and after five minutes, when I was tempted to go back to my desk and keep chipping away at my ridiculous to-do list, I sat down on the gym floor, pulled them both in close, and listened to them talk about all the presents they bought for mummy and daddy this year. And breathed deeply.

I'm trying to let my soul breathe more... It's going ok.

sam. and some people like him.

When I met Sam, I was missing a whole nights sleep, feeling a little motion sick from a windy car ride on the wrong side of the road and generally just trying to keep myself from alternately not throwing up in his church or falling asleep while he talked. Poor Sam.

To add to my physical ailments distracting me, or maybe because of them, he mentioned "incarnational living" at the beginning of his sharing and I rabbit-trailed off for a while trying to remember what "incarntational" meant. Oh, and I was beyond freezing cold; I had refused hot tea when we came in because I didnt know that "a brew" wasn't "a beer" but actually tea. I was a shivering, green, sleepy and confused audience. Poor Sam.

Thankfully, the Spirit showed up, as He usually does when Jesus is being glorified, and suddenly, I could hear Sam clear as a bell and it was as if he was just speaking to me. I fully engaged as he began to share a story about how a young man he had loved, lived beside and poured into for years had recently died of cancer. As the young man was dying, Sam had sat at his hospital bedside, reading the bible to him. Day in and day out and the last time Sam saw him, the young man accepted Jesus.

And then I started to make the connections... Sam had been living in this exceptionally poor neighbourhood for ten years. He had moved in, found work and begun to live life fully with the people there. He didnt just drop in for a day, bringing them resources or food, but instead, made himself poor and, in living with them day in and day out for ten years, he brought them Jesus. He met his wife in that time and she moved there with him. He was robbed by his neighbour and instead of pressing charges he simply continued to love. his. neighbour. For ten years.

I learnt a lot in our day in Manchester. It was full of stories like Sam's. Stories of people like Sam who've lived for YEARS in urban poor neighbourhoods, being Jesus to anyone they can in a way I had never experienced. People like Sam who believe in mission that is a LIFESTYLE, not a one-off. People like Sam who, SELF-ADMITTEDLY, do not experience victories and success every day, month or even year. People like Sam who are BROKEN, weary and in need of a savior just as much as I am. People like Sam who FIGHT hard for the gospel to break forth. I really hope I can be more like Sam.

carry me.

I seem to find myself in a season where I am writing. A lot. Proposals, reviews, summaries, post-games... and the list keeps going. Whenever I'm working for a solid chunk of time on writing something I have to be listening to something to keep myself from jumping out the window to escape the background noise. I try to play things that, if I come up from what I'm working on for air, I can be reminded of Him in a lyric I might overhear. I dont want to be distracted by the music, but when I need a distraction, I want to hear Jesus.

I've got some go-to music but a few months ago a friend of mine posted a YouTube video of a new artist. I loved the video and then, on a total whim, I bought the whole album. Which is risky. And since risky isnt usually used to describe me I immediately had buyers remorse and wished there was a way to return things to iTunes. There isnt! So I started listening to it in my writing space and as it turns out - it's an AMAZING album! Audrey Assad sings truth in a beautiful way.

Fear is a current we all get caught in
And in its motion faith can be so hard to find
And we all falter 'cause we're all broken
We're all just trying to turn the shadows into light but

You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And you say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me

it's going to be ok.

I have a note beside my desk that says this;

"It's going to be ok."

It's pretty crazy how often I need to look at it.

It's funny though how five words that may seem simple to someone else, can be a lifeline to me. It kind of reminds me of a sign someone held up in the cheering section on the side of the road at the Victoria Marathon this year. It said'

"You are smart."

And I saw it around kilometer 29, right when I needed to be reminded that I was smart and signing up for this run wasn't the biggest mistake of my life.

Sometimes, when we're in the thick of it, we need reminders about the most basic things. We need posty-notes on our desks that say "Jesus loves you" and "This too shall pass".

Most days I need to be reminded that "it's going to be ok". Not because I think the world is falling apart, but because I need to remember that this does not rely on me.

I need to remember that if I dont show up, the Kingdom will still press forward and God will still build His church. I need to remember that no one will die if I miss a deadline or don't know everything. But most of the time, I just need to remember that God has a good plan, and even if I can't see it, He'll work it out... and it will be more than ok.

intern life.

This is our summer intern crew and I dont know if I've mentioned this before or not but THEY. ARE. FABULOUS!

We are half way through our summer with them and I think I might keel over and die when they leave in the fall. Its wonderfully fun, amazingly helpful and constantly refreshing for our team to have them in the office AND they are having a beautiful, kingdom impact.

If you haven't already, give them a hug this Sunday and tell them you're so thankful for all they do for our kids and youth.