wherein I share some of my crazy.

This was a day for introverts. The Babe had to go back to work so I woke up on my own and in total silence. I reveled in the quiet for a few hours, my hands wrapped around a hot cup of tea and my bible and journal sprawled open before me.

I'm a pretty reflective person by nature. You would know if you journey life with me at all because we'll have a conversation and I'll come back three days later saying "Hey, I've been thinking about our talk the other day and I think... ". In functional and sensitive ways and sometimes dysfunctional and paranoid ways I often re-play conversations, interactions and random moments from the day.

But I also enjoy being reflective in a bigger picture way; I love Birthdays, New Years and other milestones that make us look back at the year or season before. I especially love the few quiet days after New Years when you're still on holidays but there's less events and family stuff, when I can have days like today.

I sat at the kitchen table, soaked in the silence and read over my journal from the last year. I read about great days and some crazy days. Mostly crazy days.

When I look at the year as a whole, I know that there's been more heaviness than light, more weariness than abounding energy, more sleepless nights than sleep-filled ones. And the bummer thing I'm finding about New Years, is, its not a guaranteed do-over. I dont get to re-start after holidays with a brand new slate. January 2011 doesnt promise a brand new day.

But this is the passage God spoke over me this morning; from Jeremiah 29, a passage for 2011...

This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and divines among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the LORD. This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.

It was not a promise to remove all hardship tomorrow, to make the next year brand new. But it is a good promise. A promise that he will come and fulfill His promises, it just might not look like I expected it. And in this quiet moment, that's ok.