Let me be clear, on this blog you wont often hear me giving advice on how to rest, sabbath or really live a life of balance. Because I don't know how. Because I live with the combination that I enjoy doing life at a high pace and there's definitely a healthy part of my personality that just likes life to be busy, engaged and full but I also am bad at setting boundaries so I often cross the line of "busy" to just plain "ridiculous".
With all this in mind, I've been trying to carve out little bits of space for my soul to breath leading up to Christmas. Christmas is a busy season (SURPRISE!) but an especially busy one when, around here, we focus a lot on helping others experience the season to its depth and beauty. So I've been trying to find space. Space for my soul to breath; to inhale the beauty of my Saviour COMING HERE to save us, to exhale the just plain ridiculousness of the past year, to inhale that hope that lies in the beginning of Jesus' story, to exhale some deeply buried pain I've been hauling around...
So I went for a run the other day and didnt listen to music. And breathed deeply.
I made coffee this morning and instead of taking my cup around the house as I got ready for the day, I stood at the kitchen sink. And just breathed.
I was in Zellers last week and from around the corner I heard my favourite movie line from the year "It's so fuzzy I could die!" and sure enough, Despicable Me was playing on the 200 TVs in the electronic department so I stood and watched it for half an hour. And breathed. And laughed.
I played basketball yesterday with my favourite red-headed rascals and after five minutes, when I was tempted to go back to my desk and keep chipping away at my ridiculous to-do list, I sat down on the gym floor, pulled them both in close, and listened to them talk about all the presents they bought for mummy and daddy this year. And breathed deeply.
I'm trying to let my soul breathe more... It's going ok.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
sam. and some people like him.
When I met Sam, I was missing a whole nights sleep, feeling a little motion sick from a windy car ride on the wrong side of the road and generally just trying to keep myself from alternately not throwing up in his church or falling asleep while he talked. Poor Sam.
To add to my physical ailments distracting me, or maybe because of them, he mentioned "incarnational living" at the beginning of his sharing and I rabbit-trailed off for a while trying to remember what "incarntational" meant. Oh, and I was beyond freezing cold; I had refused hot tea when we came in because I didnt know that "a brew" wasn't "a beer" but actually tea. I was a shivering, green, sleepy and confused audience. Poor Sam.
Thankfully, the Spirit showed up, as He usually does when Jesus is being glorified, and suddenly, I could hear Sam clear as a bell and it was as if he was just speaking to me. I fully engaged as he began to share a story about how a young man he had loved, lived beside and poured into for years had recently died of cancer. As the young man was dying, Sam had sat at his hospital bedside, reading the bible to him. Day in and day out and the last time Sam saw him, the young man accepted Jesus.
And then I started to make the connections... Sam had been living in this exceptionally poor neighbourhood for ten years. He had moved in, found work and begun to live life fully with the people there. He didnt just drop in for a day, bringing them resources or food, but instead, made himself poor and, in living with them day in and day out for ten years, he brought them Jesus. He met his wife in that time and she moved there with him. He was robbed by his neighbour and instead of pressing charges he simply continued to love. his. neighbour. For ten years.
I learnt a lot in our day in Manchester. It was full of stories like Sam's. Stories of people like Sam who've lived for YEARS in urban poor neighbourhoods, being Jesus to anyone they can in a way I had never experienced. People like Sam who believe in mission that is a LIFESTYLE, not a one-off. People like Sam who, SELF-ADMITTEDLY, do not experience victories and success every day, month or even year. People like Sam who are BROKEN, weary and in need of a savior just as much as I am. People like Sam who FIGHT hard for the gospel to break forth. I really hope I can be more like Sam.
To add to my physical ailments distracting me, or maybe because of them, he mentioned "incarnational living" at the beginning of his sharing and I rabbit-trailed off for a while trying to remember what "incarntational" meant. Oh, and I was beyond freezing cold; I had refused hot tea when we came in because I didnt know that "a brew" wasn't "a beer" but actually tea. I was a shivering, green, sleepy and confused audience. Poor Sam.
Thankfully, the Spirit showed up, as He usually does when Jesus is being glorified, and suddenly, I could hear Sam clear as a bell and it was as if he was just speaking to me. I fully engaged as he began to share a story about how a young man he had loved, lived beside and poured into for years had recently died of cancer. As the young man was dying, Sam had sat at his hospital bedside, reading the bible to him. Day in and day out and the last time Sam saw him, the young man accepted Jesus.
And then I started to make the connections... Sam had been living in this exceptionally poor neighbourhood for ten years. He had moved in, found work and begun to live life fully with the people there. He didnt just drop in for a day, bringing them resources or food, but instead, made himself poor and, in living with them day in and day out for ten years, he brought them Jesus. He met his wife in that time and she moved there with him. He was robbed by his neighbour and instead of pressing charges he simply continued to love. his. neighbour. For ten years.
I learnt a lot in our day in Manchester. It was full of stories like Sam's. Stories of people like Sam who've lived for YEARS in urban poor neighbourhoods, being Jesus to anyone they can in a way I had never experienced. People like Sam who believe in mission that is a LIFESTYLE, not a one-off. People like Sam who, SELF-ADMITTEDLY, do not experience victories and success every day, month or even year. People like Sam who are BROKEN, weary and in need of a savior just as much as I am. People like Sam who FIGHT hard for the gospel to break forth. I really hope I can be more like Sam.
carry me.
I seem to find myself in a season where I am writing. A lot. Proposals, reviews, summaries, post-games... and the list keeps going. Whenever I'm working for a solid chunk of time on writing something I have to be listening to something to keep myself from jumping out the window to escape the background noise. I try to play things that, if I come up from what I'm working on for air, I can be reminded of Him in a lyric I might overhear. I dont want to be distracted by the music, but when I need a distraction, I want to hear Jesus.
I've got some go-to music but a few months ago a friend of mine posted a YouTube video of a new artist. I loved the video and then, on a total whim, I bought the whole album. Which is risky. And since risky isnt usually used to describe me I immediately had buyers remorse and wished there was a way to return things to iTunes. There isnt! So I started listening to it in my writing space and as it turns out - it's an AMAZING album! Audrey Assad sings truth in a beautiful way.
I've got some go-to music but a few months ago a friend of mine posted a YouTube video of a new artist. I loved the video and then, on a total whim, I bought the whole album. Which is risky. And since risky isnt usually used to describe me I immediately had buyers remorse and wished there was a way to return things to iTunes. There isnt! So I started listening to it in my writing space and as it turns out - it's an AMAZING album! Audrey Assad sings truth in a beautiful way.
Fear is a current we all get caught in
And in its motion faith can be so hard to find
And we all falter 'cause we're all broken
We're all just trying to turn the shadows into light but
You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And you say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
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